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Iran Continues To Star As The Mouse That Roared
by: Tom Attea

Hardly a day goes by that we don’t hear diminutive Iran roar like a lion about its nuclear ambitions. Or growl about its mighty power by launching yet another flight of missiles. Yet among the world’s most powerful nations Iran remains inarguably diminutive. So, regardless of all the bluster, it can never be more than the mouse that roared.

The powers that be can observe and even indulge Iran, but they know quite well that the mouse better behave itself, because they can always give in a backhand and send it sprawling across the floor and scurrying back into its hole.

Are we attempting to make fun of the descendants of the Darius? No. We have a more considerate goal.

Our intention is to reveal that the efforts of its leaders to brandish weapons and pretend to be a superpower are unwisely conceived. They hope to be what, due to their nation’s size and resources, they can never be.

Far better to spend their national treasure on the prosperity of their citizens, instead of on nuclear armaments that, at their most dangerous, certify them as a possible target for a nuclear attack. And far more productive to join the family of nations as a peaceful and prosperous member than to bellow impossibilities.

But these hopes may be too revolutionary, at least, for now. So we have to settle for the most that’s likely. If the little nation will just stop roaring, the powers that be have shown plenty of willingness to throw it some cheese and let it nibble away in peace.

About The Author

Tom Attea, humorist and creator of http://NewsLaugh.com, has had six shows produced Off-Broadway. Critics have called his writing “delightfully funny,” “witty,” with “good, genuine laughs” and “great humor and ebullience.”

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Mixers, Pinatas and Other Illegal Items
by: Edie Deween

Shhhh….if you’re in Texas, watch your mouth or you could be arrested. No, I’m not talking about yelling “fire” in a public place or threatening someone. I’m talking about having a private conversation in a private home about a private matter. Whatever you do, don’t tell anyone in Texas how to use a sexual aide. If someone has a beef against you, you could be talking to an undercover officer.

Passion parties…sort of like Tupperware parties for the bedroom….have become increasingly popular over the last few years. It’s what some women do on girl’s night out. It is also a side income for many people. Law-abiding folks engage in this, much the same way as folks bet on office pools. Yet, like betting, it can turn the average citizen into a criminal.

That’s what retired schoolteacher, Joanne Webb, found out when she tried to supplement her family’s income through passion parties. You see, it’s ok to sell that type of stuff if you market them right. You have to say that they’re for novelty purposes. If you actually explain what they’re really for, you could face up to a year in jail and a $4,000 fine…..at least in Texas.

I live in Georgia where I supplement my income through selling lingerie and a few “novelty” items. I see nothing wrong with selling sexual toys, and I hope that statement is still considered lawful. However, I see that it’s in my best interests legally to instruct women on alternative ways to use my products.

The vibrator vibrates. I think I can say that. It moves around fast and rhythmically. It has 3 speeds. It could be used as a mixer. The most popular version is the rabbit. I guess it’s because it makes us women so hopping happy when our recipes turn out right.

I’ve been trying to figure out how to use those masks, blow-up dolls, and extra vibrators. I’m putting them in a box and labeling it “Deluxe Pinata Kit.”

Those flavored lubricants are great for putting on your cat’s nose to help with the furballs. My cat likes grape.

Those body oils are for dry skin.

Those fur-covered handcuffs are for when Alaskan police officers want to arrest somebody…..like passion party hostesses.

Those body paints….well, sometimes all you want is a temporary tattoo.

Those edible underwear….if I stick a nutritional label on it, can I say it’s junk food?

And, of course, we all know what women are after when they wear lingerie. I won’t tell them how sexy their men will find them when they wear those bustiers. Instead, I’ll just say, “You won’t look fat in this.”

Hopefully, those instructions won’t be offensive to law-makers.

And…lawmakers…it’s offensive to me….the average citizen….to have my words this closely monitored by you. When I’m selling a taxed, non-lethal product to a person aged 18 or older, it shouldn’t matter how I explain it’s uses. Geez, what’s so criminal about helping a couple have a good time? Bonnie and Clyde never used a vibrator to rob a bank

About The Author

Edie Deween has many witty articles that she writes for her shop, Hot Stuff Leather and Lace. When you stop by, be sure to check out her sexy lingerie and clubwear( http://www.hotstuffleatherandlace.net ) while you are there.

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