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Posted on May 27, 2008

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Presidential Prospects of John Kerry Not Very Merry
by: Tom Attea

Although John Kerry was not very merry when he lost his bid for President, he continued to maintain that he deserves a second chance. He might have had one if it weren’t for two very significant obstacles: Hillary Clinton and John Kerry.

There is little he can do about the allure of Hillary. Though she’s a member of the party that seems determined to be at odds with the inclinations of most Americans, she might have so much appeal that she can pull off a Presidential win.

But a more significant obstacle for Senator Kerry is the Senator himself. Veteran politico that he is, he seems to have run his own swift boat into the rocks. How could he have allowed himself such an egregious misjudgment as to state before a university audience that anybody who doesn’t study hard could “get stuck in Iraq”?

Oh, he did have the sense to offer an apology, or was persuaded to provide one. But what a lame excuse. He said he misspoke and actually meant to say that such a neglectful student could become a President who gets the nation stuck in Iraq. The circumlocution is so awkward it would only have a place in a very hastily scribbled script and would very likely be misspoken. It matters little.

He gave the Republican lions just the steak they were longing to have tossed to them and they went to work on it ravenously. He also became, in the opinion of many of his fellow Democrats, a candidate with a mild case of leprosy.

Given the inviting choice of Hillary Clinton and his own woeful punch at his own jaw, just how merry can his prospects be for a second run as the Democratic candidate?

Of course, he can always promise to have his mouth wired shut. But it’s hard to imagine a Presidential candidate with such an encumbrance on the campaign trail. At least, he would have a credible excuse for misspeaking.

About The Author

Tom Attea, humorist and creator of http://NewsLaugh.com, has had six shows produced Off-Broadway. Critics have called his writing “delightfully funny,” “witty,” with “good, genuine laughs” and “great humor and ebullience.”

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Posted on May 27, 2008

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Posted on May 27, 2008

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More Good News About Booze
by: Tom Attea

A new medical study has provided more good news about booze. There is an ingredient in red wine that apparently really does prolong life, at least, the life of mice.

red_wine.jpg

How do we know? In a recent study, mice that were fed all kinds of artery-clogging foods and fattened up were given huge doses of the elixir, while other mice were just fattened up. Despite being obese, the cardiovascular systems of the lucky mice on the regimen remained healthy – so healthy the researchers, at no less than the Harvard Medical School, rushed to publish their findings even before the study was complete.

The work, which was done along with the National Institute on Aging, determined that heavy doses of the ingredient in red wine called resveratrol, lowers the rate of diabetes, liver problems and other fat-related health problems. While it’s too soon to know if the same ingredient works in humans, some scientists were excited by the findings and even called them “spectacular.”

But don’t reach for a second bottle of juice too fast. To get the amount of the ingredient that the mice were given, you would have to drink 100 bottles of red wine a day, an amount beyond the capacity of even the most delirious wino.

Yet there is hope. The promising ingredient is available as a health supplement, and without a prescription.

Of course, the usual drawback applies. It’s not available at a dose that would really make much of a difference. For that salubrious event, you’ll need a prescription.

physician.JPG

Since we all know how promptly the FDA approves new therapies, we can expect that the first prescription will probably be written for one of our great grandchildren.

About The Author

Tom Attea, humorist and creator of http://NewsLaugh.com, has had six shows produced Off-Broadway. Critics have called his writing “delightfully funny,” “witty,” with “good, genuine laughs” and “great humor and ebullience.”

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Posted on May 27, 2008

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